Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Amazing Self-Inflating Newton

Here's a self-assigned task that your Demon Princess does not relish ~ not that she's afraid to be the bearer of bad news ~ in fact, she rather enjoys poking fun at it.

But this is BAD news. The very idea induces the involuntary gag response.

Newt Gingrich ~ yes he, of the enormous bobble-head & a self-inflating ego to match ~ plans to announce his candidacy for the Presidency. I consider that way bad news.

Yes, kittens, it is indeed the return of the great Mr. "Contract with America," he who did so much to advance the cause of proclaiming religious hypocrites ~ "God in the public square," disingenuous assholes in politix generally, & detestably smug moral righteousness specifically. His exploits are legendary.

Who can forget Mr. Newt & his deep commitment to pious family values ~ so pure he actually divorced his 1st wife when she was in the hospital recovering from surgery for cancer, pronounced publicly that she wasn't young enough or pretty enough to be a president's wife & installed his mistress in her place, & they lived
...happily ever after, right, especially after he gave her that really high-paying job in some obscure foreign-trade post she had no reason to know anything about, right?

Wrong. Since we last saw him, he's decided to divorce her, too, but not until long after he had started an affair with a young aide about a bazillion years his junior.

But we see in the news today that he's made up for all of that by confessing to James Dobson & before the Evangelical Nation that he admits to having moral failings, & he's gotten down on his knees & asked God's forgiveness.

This is the man who led the charge to impeach Clinton over oral indulgences which Newt himself reportedly preferred (at the same time). Clinton got impeached. Newt got laid ~ er, sorta.

But (*ahem*) let us turn our attention to loftier matters, befitting the gravity of the office Newt seeks.

I stumbled across this scary item yesterday in a heartland newspaper, titled, "Gingrich Seeks Real Change."

"Admit it, you hate politics: the gotcha games in which a quote can be taken out of context and used as a pretext for bashing one’s opponent; the sound bites replacing reasoned argument; the focus groups and pollsters who tell candidates what to say instead of encouraging them to believe in something; the concentration on gaining and then maintaining power for its own sake; the enormous cost of elections, which transforms politicians into servants of those who give the most money.

"Is it possible to have cleaner and more engaging politics that challenge the mind and offer real solutions to our problems, instead of crass appeals to our lower nature, the flip-flopping in order to garner favor with a particular interest group and the insincerity that seems to be behind it all?
Former Speaker Newt Gingrich believes it is and he has developed a compelling approach to new and better politics not seen since the days of Abraham Lincoln."

No, that doesn't at all read like a slick advertising puff piece, does it?

But try to focus on the real issues. What's Newt's stance on the war? According to this article, not long ago he was in a joyous lather over the WWIII that he says has already begun, & faults Bush only for not using the proper spin. (The Bush White House, lacking spin?)

He cites his historian cred to bolster his argument that Lincoln succeeded with the Civil War just by using the right rhetoric.
Another indication that Newt is, unfortunately, serious about this is his willingness to take on (or appear to take on) what's easily the most pressing domestic issue in so doing, & follows his own advice with respect to "all it needs is the right spin."

He has founded a Center for Health Transformation, natch. DP was very curious to see who's in on the project, & as you can see for yourself, virtually everybody has a doctorate in spin expertise, but no doctors or practicing health professionals. (Just two are working towards their Masters in Public Health ~ the rest sound suspiciously like political campaign staffers, press release writers, & the like).

Team bios here:

For a taste of what's in store, check out this editorial written by Newt himself, & judiciously placed in a conservative mag.

What does it really say? How does the spin translate into concrete specifics? Anybody care to speculate?

This campaign promises to be over-the-top in terms of bullshit & bombast. The health "Center" seems to exist solely to assauge Newt's ego & reassure him that he still has political relevance after his dismaying performance in the last rounds, but still ~

The very idea of Newt Gingrich is scary enough that if it actually happened, I'd have to seriously consider becoming an ex-pat. It'd be that bad.



Anonymous Jason Kurtin said...

You missed the grassroots people at that are ready to go to work for him. Now that's some scary stuff.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Demon Princess said...

Does anyone want to place bets on DraftNewt's real independence from the self-inflator himself?

Anyway, for the curious, check this entertaining denunciation of "spin" on the DraftNewt site:

I also like all the talk about Newt's "brilliance" among his supporters. Is that all it takes to be lauded as "brilliant" in American politics? Goshamighty. With that intellectual firepower AND his morally-challenged behavior, he should be running for Anti-Christ.

However, I also peeked at some conservative blogs, & some are ridiculing his pretensions to high office even harder than yours truly.

6:40 PM  

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