Dr. Rove's 11th Hour Magic Pork Transfusions

Ill: Internetweekly.org

What would Halloween be without a costume for Karl Rove?

Alakazam!

The spell: Indications: balky voters concerned about their incumbent reps' involvement in gay-sex coverup scandals & his allocation of RNC funds to nasty, simplistic attack ads; candidates needing sympathy votes.

Solution: Solicitous visits to electorate, although you are not an elected official, timed particularly to coincide with the aftermath of severe winter weather storm. In absence of same, find some sort of tie-in with debilitating disease in candidate's family. (But not Parkinson's.)

Instructions: Conjure government resources provided by all taxpayers, & inject liberal doses until poll temperatures rise for your favored GOP candidate. If necessary, disappear behind magic wall to confer, thereby heightening anticipation. At magic moment, reappear & announce funds to be delivered ASAP. Let candidate announce as if s/he has special pull in such matters &/or the ear of God always.

Result: Johnny on the spot liquid pork application.

*Caution, not to be applied to true large-scale disaster areas, e.g. Katrina or Hawaiian earthquakes* For GOP campaign disaster-aversion prevention only. Not for long-term extended consumption. May cause hives, blisters, oozing boils & other indicia of cynical Satanic practices. Discontinue use immediately should red horns sprout &/or when widespread media outrage seems imminent. Hide all evidence & wash hands thoroughly with Lucky Mojo flower-water.

(Title bar: LA Times Article)