Lies, Damned Lies, & Sexual Compulsions

Foley Photo: Washington Post

Demon Princess understands that there's a vacancy on the Congressional Committee to Employ Aging Homosexual Pedophiles ("AHP's") within the Department to Protect Congresspersons' Rights to Sexually Harass & Exploit Children, and that, regrettably, the GOP's determination to thwart discrimination against AHP's has resulted in a political scandal & brouhaha that may even cost House Speaker Denny Hastert his job. (Title bar.) What a shame.

Gives new meaning to the GOP spin on being the defenders of God, Mom, apple pie, torture & other assorted family values.

Foley promptly checked himself into alcohol rehab, got an attorney, & the next thing we know he claims to be a victim of molestation himself--by a clergyman.

The miracle cure of repentance, rehab & good advisors have worked wonders for others, Rush Limbaugh & George Bush among them. The American voters are a charitable & forgiving lot. The good news, Mr. Foley, is, like Rush, you can use it over & over again.

DP wants to be the first to wish Rep. Foley well on his long & winding road to a full recovery, & on behalf of the American taxpayers, tell him not to worry, we'll take care of the expense. Your heathcare plan is far superior to anything the rest of us get, but we don't begrudge you it. (Me, for instance, I pay 100% of my own premiums & 100% of my $2500 yearly deductible if I actually use the plan. Mostly I don't.)

But I do want my Congresspersons to live a lifestyle I myself cannot afford. I want to be able to look up, admire & aspire to the greatness of kingly beings like yourself. Maybe I will be able to become a pampered, covered-up, & lied-for Congressperson one day.

Don't worry your pretty little head about us or our children, Mr. Foley, we just want you to make a full recovery so you can enjoy your generous retirement plan as well.

After all, you won't be returning to office. Ever.