Gonzales Unbound

Photo: The Washington Post



I have to admit that I have never been able to take Alberto Gonzales seriously, & I daresay I'm not the only one. Maybe, just maybe, that's what's behind the startling revelations Friday that: (1) he apparently was playing at donning the King's mantle as the righteous decider when the King wasn't looking, and (2) threatened to resign if the King takes away his new-found, & very scary, self-appointed authority to conduct raids on Congressional offices.

Alberto just strikes me as a guy who got where he is by playing the mealy-mouthed humble toady & yes-man, by pretending to deny himself in the name of a greater cause by kowtowing to those in power, making a career of flattering the dim bulbed-George, who famously values loyalty above all else.

In short, a man who has made slavish obsequiousness his primary career strategy?

But--surprise!--'Berto bursts out of his box & makes a bold power play when it seems that George was about to reverse 'Berto's magnificent coup in conducting an after-hours raid on a misbehaving Democrat's Congressional offices--by the way, a very daring & audacious power play &, to all appearances, at least, a trampling of the Constitutional separation of powers principle that's never before been breached in this country's history.

My guess is that while the fearless leader was looking the other way (famously a "delegator" in true business-school style) Alberto got really full of himself & decided to arrogate unto himself "Chief Cop" status & supreme investigative authority.

A clean-up Congress crusade would be just the thing to show disenfranchised & disapproving voters that the Republicans are indeed capable of wiping out the corruption for which this Administration is sure to be remembered. What better way to show America that all this "unitary executive" power is a good thing than by addressing those problems in a high-handed, authoritarian way? They all thought it'd be safe to target a corrupt Democrat (who, by the way, I'm not defending), but a major wrench got thrown into the works when Bush loyalist & Speaker of the Republican-controlled House Hastert objected to the overreaching assertion of authority.

By the way, in case you missed it, a rumor promptly surfaced, reported by ABC News, aimed to chill Hastert's threats (we daresay) that Hastert himself was the next target, having to do with the filler-of-GOP- campaign-coffers Jack Ambramoff. That little tempest died down in short order, but not before, we imagine, thoroughly pissing off Mr. Hastert.


Hastert met with Bush about returning the Democrat's files, & when it seemed that Bush just might cave, Alberto, along with several others in his office, tossed hissy fits, threatening to resign in outrage, we suppose.

Bush's temporary solution was not to return the fruits of the seizure, but to place them under seal until Congress, 'Berto & the FBI can work out their differences, and, incidentally, the American public can be distracted from a matter that, in any event, taxes their wee brains & only makes them more impatient with the few remaining non-'Berto lawyers who actually are concerned about how things are done & remain convinced that "results" don't matter if the procedures by which they were effected is rotten to the core.

Begging the question, in my opinion, who exactly has the right to be self-righteously outraged here: Alberto Gonzales & his camp of power-blind fools, or the voters?